When can we go to the beach or pool again?

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  • Updated 2 years ago
My husband has a porn addiction and has struggled with lust his whole life. About a year ago, his addiction and also the fact that he would go out seeking women to lust after in order to feel more powerful came to light. We have done counseling, have installed the convenant eyes software on everything but his work laptop (his work won't allow us to), and have thrown ourselves into church and filling our minds with God. But I still struggle with trust (which I believe is natural). However, I also struggle with knowing what is ok for us to do and what is throwing him in the path of temptation. For instance, can we go to a beach vacation and him be safe from succumbing to his desire to fill his eyes with other women in an attempt to feel powerful? What about a vacation to somewhere like Jamaica, where legally women can go topless on any beach? I believe that he is making great strides to keep his heart on God first and me second. But I feel that he is unrealistically under the impression that he has this beaten for good and therefore can put himself in situations where he will be tempted. For instance, he has frequently said to me that he looks forward to the day that I trust him enough to take covenant eyes off of our phones. So we don't have the extra expense. I know that it is possible to overcome it for good when you put your trust in God. And I know that temptation can find you anywhere. But I feel that part of trusting God is trusting that he will give you the foresight to stay clear of situations where you know for a fact that temptation is likely to be present. He isn't begging me to go to the beach or anything, which does help in my trusting him. But I just don't know when it is ok to put yourself in such a tempting situation. At what point in your recovery is this appropriate, if ever? TIA for any advice anyone can offer. 
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  • unsure.

Posted 2 years ago

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Pam Walker

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I can so identify with your situation and also with your concerns about summer vacations. Even though my husband has been in recovery for over 4 years, I intentionally choose vacations where he is not going to be tempted and where I am not going to be struggling as he watches other beautiful women on the beach. I read your question to my husband and here is his response.

What kind of recovery groups and classes has your husband been in besides church? My husband has struggled with p*** for over 60 years and we have both realized this is a very serious issue that requires ongoing diligence, along with counseling, support groups and education. We also have become even more dependent on God and our church but that is not enough for this serious addiction. My husband believes that it will be many years before your husband can safely go to a beach without being tempted and possibly relapsing. You might explain to your husband that this is much more than trusting him. An addiction of this magnitude takes many years of diligence and rewiring the brain.
I hope this is helpful?
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Sam Black, Alum

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Thank you for your thoughtful posts. My friend and founder of BraveHearts provides some sage advice, "The things you put in place to start and manage recovery are the very things you keep doing for years to come." In other words, though you might be stronger you don't put yourself in poor situations where you can be weak. Stay in positions of strength. Please allow me to suggest two sites that I think are valuable for the long haul - https://180recover.com/ and https://www.bravehearts.org/