Spousal Porn

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  • Updated 5 years ago
I have a very weird question. Does looking at pictures and videos of your spouse have the same effect as looking at regular porn? I'm not asking about whether it is right or wrong, I just want to know if it has the same effects on the brain like porn does. Does it make someone want less of real sex eventually and only like the photos and videos rather than the real thing?

For me, I use my pictures and videos of my wife during the time that I am horny, and my wife is tired or sick.
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Jeremy Ried

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Posted 5 years ago

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Pam

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Is your wife masturbating?  Guess it depends on what she is comfortable with. Any sex-including masturbation is- in my opinion putting your own needs before the Lord;s. Do you know the motivation of her doing this? I am not expert- but how does she feel about  you viewing videos of her doing something other than with the partner God intended for her to have? Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such. Has your wife placed you above the Lord? These are questions only she can answer. Sex is sacred-if you are followers of Christ. I don't know you walk with the Lord-but as for me-because I love the Lord-I love Him first-above my husband's needs. Oral sex is different-God intended sex to be enjoyed by both of his children in the marriage covenant. I don't want to judge anyone-You may want to ask your wife- if that is defrauding her. If she is doing this for you to avoid looking @ porn-that is not good at all and I don't believe the Lord honors any type of a lie. Marriage should be holy-God cares about holiness-not happiness in the the way the world looks at it.
Anyway-I hope that has helped you. I am praying for you that Lord will remain the true desire of your wife and your hearts as well. Porn is just so hard of a chain to let the Lord release! Give yourself daily to doing this-I am praying for both of you!
I don't know about the same effects on the brain - I'm not a trained person-I do know what my husband has shared that once the images were in his brain-that he wanted to be free of them. Only the Holy Spirit can set those free-Marriage and sex are ordained by God to be an expression of how we feel about Him-I pray the your wife is not "allowing" you to do this because she is afraid you will avert you gaze or thoughts somewhere else. I know it says to concentrate on fasting and prayer when a couple can't please each other. Looking at porn can take all other sexual desire away from either party-and thus can lead to impotence -I hope all goes well.
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Jeremy Ried

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1. I did post in saying that I am not asking about whether it is right or wrong.

2. All that I do is with a clean conscience, and my wife is fine with me looking at pictures/videos of her when she is unable to give me sex.

3. I could respond to your logic(or lack of), but this is not the place for it. I am currently researching how the brain is affected with spousal porn vs. regular porn.
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Pam

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I do not have a lack of logic. I am sorry if I have offended . My husband is still involved in porn. I understand the point of view as well. I don't know if you struggle with addictions but- I do know how my husband and I struggle. So I wish you the best.
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Jeremy Ried

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I never said I had an addiction. I do not have one.

And I am not offended by what you wrote.
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Pam

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No stress. I did not know you don't have an addiction. I do know that looking at any type of porn can affect you-in a negative way-I am sure you know that. It's extremly destructive-to the mind-soul-body and spirit. I also know that the majority of people who choose to view it-do not understand the deception involved on so many levels..
So-I wish you the best and I and thank you for your honesty. God Bless you and have a good year that is porn free.
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Luke Gilkerson

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Hi Jeremy,

Good question. As I'm not a neuroscientist and I'm not familiar with any studies that have looked at this issue specifically, I think the best I can offer you is conjecture, so take this for what it is worth.

Does this have the same neurological impact? I would say in one sense it does not. A major component of modern porn addiction is that it is a form of Internet addiction, which is a behavioral addiction. Internet addiction is about being addicted to the endless novelty, endless clicking, etc., and a few photos of your wife will not likely have that kind of impact on your brain.

Another mark of porn addiction is the inability to stop despite negative consequences. Assuming your wife knows about the photos and is in complete agreement with your use of them, you likely aren't experiencing any anxiety about hiding them from her or hiding your behavior. Since shame and anxiety are often big components of escalating addictions, this is another reason why masturbating to photos of your wife could be dissimilar neurologically.

However, in another sense I would say that it does have a similar impact because the action of masturbating to a photo or video can, like all things, become a habit, and all habits have neurological consequences. We have to choose the habits we want to form. If it were me, I would prefer to not develop the habit because I know the sexual tension I feel is mean to propel me towards intimacy, not self-pleasure. In time I could see how masturbating to fantasies of my wife (photo or no photo) could become a replacement for pursuing her.

I talk some about this (and the moral implications) in this article.