Making progress in 90 day challenge

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  • Updated 4 years ago
So I need some help and guidance guys. For starters I'm doin the 90 day pmo free challenge. Thus far I'm on day 83 of no pmo. But my problem is the fact that during reboot I orgasmed with a young lady twice about around days 40-50 and once again around day 55-65 ish. Like many men I esalated into fetishes that we weren't proud of neither do we as men want to be apart of it or attached to it in any form or fashion. We just want our sex drive back to factor settings. The thing is I know that orgasms during reboot slows down progress but for how long? 3 times in February after that been clean since. I noticed though that I had a glide account that allowed me to see attractive young ladies not nacked or performing sexual acts but profile pics. So I need to know if that was harmful also did the same on Facebook to a degree I would like to say that almost all of them where wearing clothing. Also should I restart my challenge and should I go courting with young ladies go out, play games, spend time no sexual contact? Finally I noticed that my past fetishes still haunt me sometimes make me wonder if I will ever be free from ts porn. Sometimes every so often I fantasize about my girlfriend/wife but for some odd reason I still see her with something other than a vagina. Its sad cause I know I'm straight and this nightmare just won't leave me alone. I hope it doesn't offend but I would like people with experience to answer some of these questions (90days more than once, 50-hundreds of days in, got of over old porn fetishes). Thanks again guys
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DJ

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  • sad, anxious, depressed, hopeless

Posted 4 years ago

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DJ

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Also if anyone else is in this challenge and know of places to get answers then it would be much appreciated
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Keith, Employee

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Hi DJ,

Thanks for your comment - glad to hear you are having victory in your fight against porn. That's great!  I'm not familiar with the 90 Day Challenge specifically - Covenant Eyes has a 40 Day Challenge, but this sounds like this is something a little different.  I wanted to offer a couple of thoughts on this, for what it's worth.

First, I think it's great your trying to get control of your sex drive and overcome bad habits/urges. Equipping folks with tools to help with this is a huge part of what we do.  I think a challenge, whether it's 40 days or 90 days, can be a powerful motivator to help with this.  So, first I want to applaud that step you're taking.  That said, I'm a little skeptical of the idea that 90 days without porn, masturbation, etc, can reboot your sex drive to a "factory setting."  There are a couple of reasons for this. One is simply my personal experience. I've talked to hundreds (if not thousands!) of guys over the years who struggle to kick the porn habit.  A lot of guys will go through a program and have great success for a time, only to find themselves a couple months later back in the same spot. You can "detox" to a certain extent - and that's great- but there's a bigger underlying issue. 

Although I like the analogy of the factory settings, I think the problem is we don't realize how drastic a reboot we need. The Bible says that sexual perversion starts with the sinfulness of our hearts, just like any other bad thing. You can read about it in Romans 1:18-32. It's a process that starts when something else is at the center of our lives than God and his Word (the Bible). So, whether it's a fetish, porn, or something else, the reason for the escalation ultimately goes back to a failure to live the way God made us to live. 

Now, it sounds like you've had some success in your challenge, so you might be skeptical of the Bible stuff. You might feel that with enough practice you can kick porn and get your sex drives back to a place you're comfortable with. You might - I know some guys have. But being in a place you feel're comfortable doesn't necessarily mean you've actually fixed the root problem.  It also gives you no guarantee that you won't fall back into the old patterns at any time. You asked some great (and tough!) questions. For example what about pictures that aren't pornographic but are still sexually arousing? What about the thoughts you can't get out of your head even after you stop looking at porn? The fact is, if you accept God's standard, this still crosses the line. Jesus said if anyone looked at a woman (or man) and had lustful thoughts it was like you'd had sex in your heart (Matt. 5:27-28). In other words, any little slip-up is no good and puts you right back at the beginning. 

This probably sounds discouraging, but there's good news. I don't know where you're at with God, but I can tell you this: he can give you the full reboot.  And that's what we really need. You may be able to deal with some of the symptoms. You might be able to develop enough discipline to kick porn, to overcome fetishes and other cravings. But, unless the Spirit of God changes you from the inside out, then you're won't fix the root problem.

Titus 3:1-6: "For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior."

So, that's the first step - you've got to get right with God. Confess your sin to him and ask him to forgive you. Admit to him that you can't save yourself, and ask him to do it for you.  But it doesn't stop there. If you already are a Christian, you obviously know that doesn't magically stop the urges for porn or anything else.  But notice the verse above - it says "we used to be slaves to various passions and pleasures" - but we're not anymore. There is victory for those who put their trust in Jesus, who are changed from the inside out by the Holy Spirit. God doesn't just reboot people and send them on their way. He saves people to live holy lives.  And he doesn't just save people as individuals, but he saves them into his family, the Church. If you're a Christian, you need to be plugged into the community of God's people. Here's why: they're going to help keep you on track. They're going to challenge you and motivate you in ways that you wouldn't believe.  There are going to be godly people there who give you an example of how to live in a way that honors God. There are going to be people there who have struggled with some of the same things you have, who have overcome porn, masturbation, and all kinds of stuff. 

This is really where Covenant Eyes comes in. Our software tool is to help you stay accountable to the people around you. We keep track of the websites you go to and send those reports to the friend or mentor that you choose.  The goal isn't just 90 days, but a commitment to staying accountable - to asking others to challenge you and motivate you to live in a way that pleases God.  Something like the 90 Day Challenge could fit into this really well. But it's going to have a more lasting and powerful effect if it's rooted in a community of people that you're connected to. 

I hope this helps! If you have more questions or comments, you can also shoot us an email at info@covenanteyes.com

Keith Rose