Help please

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  • Updated 4 years ago
My husband continues to lie and make excuses for his porn and masturbation addictions. What do I do? He started to go to counseling once a week and says he hasn't looked at porn, sometimes I get the feeling he's just hiding it better. But he admits to still masturbating and replaces our intimate engagements with this. He told me its normal and most married men do it. He's 60 and he says he's been doing it  since he was young . This really isn't normal behavior for a married man right? I mean, I'm always here for him, there is no medical, or physical reason why we cant have sex. Other then he has told me he needs that image to get aroused and I of course don't fit the image of a younger women with big breast and a perfect body...Im 56 years old. 
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vicki

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  • frustrated

Posted 4 years ago

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momdoc

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I am 5 days into this question and just trying to get an anchor...my husband had his first accountability meeting yesterday and they plan to meet once a week...
Hmmm. Doesn't sound like enough accountability to me.
I am gathering resources daily. I have no expertise to offer but I am lifting you up in prayer today.
Blessings to you Vicky.
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Ross Shearer

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https://www.puredesire.org/en/

Both of you, please take a look at this ministry. It's education, counseling and extreme accountability. My company uses it and it has changed every guy that's gone through the program. 

We are now using it for women as well. 

Super impressed with what they have done.
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Samantha, Alum

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Hi Vicki,
     Thanks for the post! As you may well have realized by Momdoc's reply, you are in no way alone in this situation. Unfortunately, the prevalence of pornography in our sexually pervasive culture is staggering; currently, 9 out of 10 boys will view pornography before the age of 18.  The young age of exposure contributes to the phenomenon of pornography users considering it normal. Covenant Eyes was founded on the belief that although pornography use is common, it is absolutely not normal and is in no way a substitute for martial intimacy.
      As with any addiction, for your husband to break free from the chains of pornography use, he has to first WANT to stop using pornography. If someone's heart doesn't desire change, no amount of Accountability will help them. If he is in a position where he understands how his actions have and continue to hurt himself, you, and your marriage, Accountability, oftentimes along with counseling, is a wonderful tool to help achieve total transparency in your marriage and in your lives.  The biggest draw to Internet pornography is that the Internet, if left unprotected, is completely anonymous.  Most pornography users, even if they say otherwise, are aware of the unhealthy affects of pornography or they wouldn't hide their pornography usage.  If they could only access pornography with someone else watching, the likeliness that they'd use it is greatly diminished, and that is how Covenant Eyes works. We aren't designed to "catch" people or invade their privacy, but to provide transparency and remove the anonymity of the Internet so that good choices are made while online.
      We also provide ample amounts of written resources for people struggling with pornography as well as those who are suffering from the affects of their addictions.  I would recommend checking out the "Defeat Lust and Pornography" and "Rebuild Your Marriage" sections of our blog, found at http://www.covenanteyes.com/category/defeat-lust-and-pornography/ and http://www.covenanteyes.com/category/rebuild-your-marriage/ respectively. There are wonderful resources and articles featured in the blog, many of which are written by Covenant Eyes users who have been in your shoes. 
       If you have any questions about Internet Accountability, please feel free to give us a call. Our customer support staff can be reached at 877-479-1119 and we are here from 8AM-12AM EST Monday through Friday and 10AM-6PM on Saturdays. You can also comment on this thread and we'll see it!

Samantha
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Sam Black, Alum

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Hi Vicki, I really encourage you to visit the Covenant Eyes ebooks page - http://www.covenanteyes.com/e-books/.
I specifically would like to point you to a few books: The Porn Circuit, which exposes the neurology behind porn use. There is no reason to use porn, but people create neural pathways that make porn part of their ongoing life. I would also encourage you to read Porn and Your Husband.

Best regards,

Sam Black